Sidelines National Support Network  / Articles  / Infertility to Pregnancy: Resolve to Hope

Infertility to Pregnancy: Resolve to Hope
by Candace Hurley
adapted from Resolve Southern CA Resolve newsletter, Fall 2000

Resolve asked me to write an article for your local newsletter and told me that the topic was up to me. I didnt even have to think twice about what Id say to you. But let me back up a few years to 1982, when I first began my battle with infertility.

My husband Brian is one of 10 children, and it was never a question that the two of us wanted children. I had already gone through the removal of a large uterine fibroid tumor at the age of 23 and an infection in my fallopian tubes so when I didnt become pregnant in the first 6 months of trying, I began a work-up and some intervention by a regular OB. He performed another laparotomy trying to clean up my tubes, but that was unsuccessful. I then switched to an infertility specialist in LA who performed my 3rd laparotomy. Following that surgery, he referred me to Dr. Richard Marrs in Los Angeles, CA.

In the mid 1980s, IVF was a mostly unsuccessful procedure, and GIFT had just been developed. I didnt know anyone who had successfully become pregnant with these technologies. In fact, the majority of my friends in Resolve at that time built their families through adoption. After four years of treatments, tests, surgeries, and heartache, I became pregnant. I began spotting almost immediately and spent the next 7 weeks on bed rest. But on Mothers Day 1986, I miscarried.

I was beyond devastated, but jumped right back in. It was the only way I could stay sane. That, and Resolve. Resolve was my touchstone& my life-raft in a very rough sea of disappointment. Following a pergonal/ IUI session nine months later, I became pregnant again. This time I was treated with progesterone and even though I spotted some, I got through my first trimester and started to relax. To hope. To feel (whats that word?) normal.

So when I reached 20 weeks and started having vague, inconsistent twinges I thought, Stop yourself! Quit being paranoid! When I asked co-workers if I should call my doctor they echoed my guilty thoughts. Stop it Candace, quit being paranoid. And I almost didnt call. I almost convinced myself that it was me not accepting that I could be normal. Until one friend finally said, Do what your instincts tell you. If you think you should call, then call." Luckily I had chosen Pete Anzaldo as my high-risk OB (perinatologist). Dr. Anzaldo came right on the phone and said, Nobody knows their body better than an infertility patient. If you think something might be wrong, just come on in and Ill check you out.

It turned out that something was very wrong indeed. At 20 weeks, (thats only half-way to a full term 40 week pregnancy) my cervix had thinned 80% and I was having twelve 100 second silent contractions per hour. That was big trouble. Devastating trouble. But Dr. Anzaldo not only told me how he would combat my preterm labor and cervical incompetence, but that he would have a patient of his call me who had been there, done that, and had a good pregnancy outcome.

Kathleens call was the beginning of hope for me. After I became pregnant, I felt uncomfortable asking for support from friends who were still struggling to become pregnant. I knew that when you are in the middle of infertility, that all you look towards is the positive pregnancy test, that giving birth to a healthy baby is so far in the future and so inconceivable that you literally cant imagine it.

I had a roller-coaster ride pregnancy which is pretty consistent with most of the high-risk pregnancies you see. I made trips to the hospital and took loads of medications and dealt with constant terror, depression, guilt- you name it. But Kathleen had gone through almost every experience I had, and certainly every feeling I felt. She became the natural extension of the support that my friends at Resolve had given me during those dark years of loneliness and uncertainty.

Back to the present. I was blessed with two healthy sons after equally frightening, tenuous, but well-managed pregnancies. And thats what I want to talk to you about. What to expect when youre expecting after having been an infertility patient.

Get yourself to an OB or perinatologist who is used to dealing with complications. Discuss his/her plan of care. How often will you be seen? What diagnostic tests will be done? What kinds of complications are more likely in your pregnancy?

Educate yourself. Its great to read the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy or What to Expect When Youre Expecting, but Id rather see you reading When Pregnancy Isnt Perfect or our magazine Left Side Lines or our Web site www.sidelines.org. It will not jinx your pregnancy to know the signs and symptoms of preterm labor, hypertension, and other complications that can arise. To know what salivary estriol and fetal fibronectin tests are used for. To know about home uterine monitoring, terbutaline pumps, and steroid shots for lung development. More infertility patients end up having complicated pregnancies for a variety of reasons. Its a fact. But it doesnt mean that we cant have good outcomes. It does mean that vigilance pays off, that getting to your doctor with a vague symptom or simply an uneasy feeling may be the difference in your doctors ability to intervene and treat you successfully.

Report Symptoms Clearly and Dont Ignore Them. If you do indeed feel that something is wrong, verbalize it in clear and simple language. One patient, who had been feeling a heaviness in her cervical area reported this symptom to her doctor, I feel heavy. He answered simply, Well, at 6 months along, everybody feels heavy! She should have added as if the baby is falling out because the doctor thought she meant that she felt fat. She didnt probe further and soon lost her baby due to an incompetent cervix. This was a tragedy that didnt have to happen.

Bring a Notebook. Write down your non-emergency questions in between appointments and ask them at the beginning of the appointment. Write down the answers. This is an ongoing education for you, just as your infertility has been. (And dont hesitate day or night to call if you feel it might be an emergency. Dont worry about bothering your doctor. Obstetrics is not a convenient specialty and these doctors knew that in medical school.)

Call Sidelines. Sidelines was my way of honoring Resolve by carrying the support to the next level. Sidelines began in 1992 and since that time we have worked directly with over 45,000 families, received a citation from The Presidents Volunteer Action Awards, as well as being the first group to enlist cyber-volunteers with our ever growing e-mail support program. Sidelines goal is to educate and support women so that they can have the best possible pregnancy outcomes. Many of us in Sidelines began with ties to Resolve. Whenever I speak to a high-risk mom and find out that she had been an infertility patient, I cant help but give her just a little more TLC!

In closing, nothing has taught me more than my infertility. It truly was the hardest test Ive ever been put through. There were times when I thought I d go crazy asking Why me? Ive never been more sad, more mad, or more empty inside. I lost some friends along the way, but found some new ones too. Infertility took so much. Yet, every devastating event I experienced during those years has made me a better, more grown-up, more centered person today. These events have also made me a better mother. And the friends' children are my sons friends now.

If you become pregnant, please remember what Ive told you about vigilance. It is a small thing to do for your unborn child and it can have life-long consequences. Ignore the overwhelming desire youll have to finally be normal which might encourage you to disregard signs and symptoms of potential complications. And use your experiences to reach out and help someone else. Sidelines became the answer for that annoying question I asked myself daily while on bedrest- What possible reason could God have for putting me through this?

Ill be here on the Sidelines cheering you on.

Candace Hurley is the founder and Executive Director of Sidelines National Support Network.
She lives in Laguna Beach with her husband Brian, and sons Kelan-13, and Braeden-12.